Tag Archives: health

Health Update

I know those of you who check my blog expect me to write about what I’m doing or politics or something, but today will be different!  I got this in an email from one of my Good Old Girls and I just had to share.  I don’t know who originally wrote it, but kuddos go out to that person!  From now on, I’m going back to my Spanish lessons!

———————————————————————————————-

Q: Doctor, I’ve heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?

A: Heart only good for so many beats, and that it… Don’t waste on exercise. Everything wear out eventually. Speeding up heart not make you live longer; it like saying you extend life of car by driving faster. Want to live longer? Take nap.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?

A: Oh no. Wine made from fruit. Brandy distilled wine, that mean they take water out of fruity bit so you get even more of goodness that way. Beer also made of grain. Bottom up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

A: Well, if you have body and you have fat, your ratio one to one. If you have two body, your ratio two to one.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?

A: Can’t think of single one, sorry. My philosophy: No pain…good!

Q: Aren’t fried foods bad for you?

A: YOU NOT LISTENING! Food fried in vegetable oil. How getting more vegetable be bad?

Q : Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?

A: Oh no! When you exercise muscle, it get bigger. You should only be doing sit-up if you want bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

A: You crazy?!? HEL-LO-O!! Cocoa bean! Another vegetable! It best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?

A: If swimming good for figure, explain whale to me.

Q: Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle?

A: Hey! ‘Round’ is shape!

Well… I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

And remember:

Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways – Chardonnay in one hand – chocolate in the other – body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming “WOO-HOO, what a ride!!”

AND…..

For those of you who watch what you eat, here’s the final word on nutrition and health. It’s a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.

1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans…

5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like.  Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

Advertisements

$400 Million?

Ok, that’s it.  I’m upset.  Who decided that we could afford $400 million on Michelle Obama’s “Let’s Move” program?  She was lamenting that poor families often have to take 3 city buses or pay some expensive taxi to go to another community to buy healthy foods; that often, all they have available locally is a mini-market or a corner gas station to get food for their kids.  Hockey puck!!!  The majority of people live closer to a supermarket than I do!!!

She said that low-income families should have “fresh food retailers right in their communities, places that sell healthy food at reasonable prices so that they can feed their families in the way that they see fit.”  Really???  Who’s gonna run those places?  Is she going to force those mini-markets to sell fruit and vegetables?  Is she going to force a discount superstore in every community across the nation?

And if those retailers don’t agree with the concept, are they really going to keep fresh food in their establishments, after they take the government money?    What if the fresh food is not bought?  How much food will be wasted, rotting on the shelves, because people prefer buying peanut butter and jelly because they last longer in the pantry?  Fresh food is too expensive to waste these days.

And give me a break!  She has a program to stop serving French fries and soda in school cafeteria’s because she doesn’t trust the parents to make sure their kids are eating healthy.  So, does she trust the parents making decisions “in the way that they see fit” or not?

I’m sorry, but when the government is $14 trillion in debt and they are trying to find ways to cut spending, couldn’t that $400 million be used toward helping to pay our government’s current debts rather than starting yet another program that our free market system should be handling?

Whoever made this decision in this economy should be fired!  Grrrrr.

 

My New Country Song

I have decided to write a country song. I don’t think I ever really believed the old songs that talked about the songwriter’s dog dying, the truck being stolen, the house burning down, and the spouse leaving ‘em. I mean, really??? If all that happened to me, I don’t think I would be writing a song about it!

Well, on the other hand, maybe I’ve got my own song to write this week. It might go something like this:

My son’s mad at the world and he won’t call.

Hubby’s been using me for a walking cane, so he won’t fall.

My old dawg quit eatin’ and then she passed.

What a week this has been! Geez, how long can it last?

 

When I stopped by Mom’s house, I set off the alarm.

The Meadows Building is costing a leg and arm.

Dog Sam has a danged infection; allergies are just that way.

Goat Bob likes to head-butt me and that’s on a good day!

 

Friday afternoon, to surgery Hubby will go

To fix his pain in the neck … and mine too, you know?

Termites have invaded Mom’s storage barn and garage.

What more can go wrong? Surely, it’s all been a mirage!

Yee-haw!!!